He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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