I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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