And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
