1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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