I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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