of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
