I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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