So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
