The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
