I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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