No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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