thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This house was built for laser tag.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize