8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
