I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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