Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
