I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
