no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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