She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
