I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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