It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
