im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
