I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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