hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
