my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we made out on top of his cat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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