Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
