Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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