i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.