Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out