hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell