my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.