Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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