Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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