Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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