my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.