im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life