meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world