Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.