help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.