You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize