Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
