I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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