I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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