I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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