Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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