I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
