I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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