i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
