I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
