New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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