the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
