All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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