Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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