people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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