batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
