I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
