This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's even glitter on my cock...
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