You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize